Update May 14, 2020: I’m still missing my Dad! It has been five years since Dad left this earth. I still miss him and always will. I’m thankful he isn’t in pain and having trouble breathing. I’m happy knowing he is in heaven, but I still wish I could spend another day or even just an hour with him. I know he is watching over us, we see signs of him often, and that is comforting, but not the same as actually being with him.
I know he would be so proud of Neal and the man he has grown to be. I think they would have some great conversations about life, planting things, and politics. I wonder what he would say about the crazy world we are currently living in. I can hear his voice saying, “Don’t be scared of everything. Live…don’t let fear stop you from living girl because you don’t know how much time you have.”
When I was growing up, it didn’t seem like he was afraid of anything. He was so strong and seemed so brave. After he was sick, he didn’t like being alone much and his biggest fear was leaving my mom to fend for herself. He would be proud of how Mom has managed things without him being around. I think he would be proud of all of us. He always was. His unconditional love was always a constant in our lives. We were blessed! We love you and miss you, Dad.
I Miss My Dad
June 14, 2015
Today marks a month since my Dad went to heaven. In so many ways it seems like just yesterday it happened, but it seems like it has been a year since I heard his voice, felt his touch, kissed his forehead, and hugged his frail body. I miss him terribly.
The House is Empty
I walk into my parent’s home and it feels empty. My mom is there and she is very much alive, but the house still feels empty. Even though his health had been declining, his presence still filled the house. When I go inside I look for him in his chair, ready to hear him say, “Well Hello there Robin Lois.” He was always happy to see me. When he isn’t there I immediately think he is laying on the couch taking a nap, and then, I remember. All those thoughts race through my mind in a split second.
The house sounds so quiet. We had all become accustomed to the constant humming of his oxygen machine. It was a welcomed sound, knowing it was helping him to breathe. Now there is no voice, no hum of a machine, just silence.
His sheepskin that cushioned his butt is gone, the checker board is gone, the cryptograms he loved are gone.
My mom keeps the house spotless and turns on the decorative lights on the mantle and always has the TV on with music or a show. Everything is just like it used to be, only he isn’t there. I miss my Dad.
He Is In A Better Place
I’m happy he is no longer struggling to breath. I know he is in a much better place and no longer has any pain or health problems. But I’m sad for all of us who no long have the joy of his company. The selfish part of me wants him back for another hour, another day, another checker game, another hug, another “I Love You.”
His memory and the memories of happy times will live in our hearts forever along with the love he freely gave. Someone so special will always hold a tiny bit of the hearts he touched.
I created this slide show for his “Celebration of Life.” I couldn’t bring myself to post it till now. Not sure why, perhaps I was afraid it would make people sad, or maybe I was just being selfish and keeping all the memories to myself. Whatever the reason, I hope this helps everyone to remember him and the happy times he shared with so many. Love you Dad!
Click on the square at the bottom right of video to see it in full screen mode.
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