Have you ever felt frustrated with yourself?  I recently had knee surgery.  I thought it would be a simple 20 minute surgery and I would be back on my feet, pretty much back to normal in 3 or 4 days.  It turned out to be a 2.5 hour surgery and it has been almost 4 weeks and I am still hobbling around, using a walker, and in pain.

I am not a very good patient.   I am supposed to keep the knee elevated and not do very much.   I have a day when it feels pretty good and I do too much and then I pay for it for a couple days.   It is one step forward, and two steps back.    I used a walker initially and ditched it for a cane for better mobility….but on Friday, the doctor said I needed to go back to using a walker.  I did move up to a more sporty red walker that you see pictured here.  It has wheels, a brake, and a seat that works very well for transporting things like laundry, a plate of food, etc.  As you can tell, the little things are making me happy at this point!

The doctor told me there was a lot more damage than initially thought and they did more repair work than anticipated and my recovery time will be much longer.   I thought I was OK with that, instead of 3 days it might take 3 weeks to be back to normal.   (That thought was a joke!)   He thinks I am doing well for the amount of repair they did.  Also thinks I am pushing myself too much.  That I need to be patient with myself!  WOW….imagine that…me being impatient!

I have had surgeries in the past and I always bounced back much quicker than doctors expected.  When I had my throat slit for my parathyroidectomy, I made a video that night about my surgery and posted it.  I had no reason to think this would be any different, but it is, I’m not bouncing back!  I feel like I am crawling.

Maybe I’m getting older.   Some people thought I was crazy in the first place for going sled-riding down a mountain. (That is when I did the knee damage!)   A couple people commented, that I wasn’t a teenager anymore and I should act my age.  But it was fun, and I would do it again.  Not sure what sled riding  has to do with age???  Actually I’m not sure how I am supposed to act.  I’m 53, NOT 93.  I believe in living life till it is over, not sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else have all the fun.

Being the optimist that I try to be, I know there is a silver lining behind this frustration and long recovery.   Perhaps God wants me to slow down a bit.   Or maybe he wants me to be more empathetic to those struggling to walk on a daily basis.  Maybe he wants me to stop taking for granted the things I normally do every day and don’t think about.  Just perhaps it is to point out that there are lots of things I can’t control.  This is obviously one of them.  This recovery has given me time to do all of the above. You have heard the saying, “People Plan, God Laughs”   I’m thinking it is true in this case. He is probably belly laughing at my thinking I would be back to my routine in 3 days.

So for now I am using the sporty walker, I’m on strict orders to work only half days, stay off my leg, do the exercises he gave me and get lots of rest.  I’m also supposed to take the pain pills and not try to be a tough person and go without. (I don’t like taking pills unless I absolutely have to!)

It just seems like when you can’t do something, that is when you see so many things you want or need to do.   Things around the house that normally I’m too busy to notice, now are staring me in the face and I can’t do them.  

I admit I’m frustrated with the situation, but I’m also well aware that things could be much, much worse.   This is only minor in comparison to what others are dealing with.  I still have legs, I still can do lots of things, and I will recover.  I’m grateful for each of these things and so much more.   I just have to be patient.

Patience is a virtue!   I could use a lot more of it, not only with my knee, but with others, and with my business.  Maybe patience is what I’m learning from this whole experience.

Have you ever had a situation that didn’t turn out as planned and you felt frustrated?  Share how you coped in the comments below.